The reason for this mini journal is that it’s hard to find information about people that are dealing with this Arnold Chiari Malformation. It’s not that it’s that big of a deal, BUT it does cause some things that you may have been spending your whole life trying to figure out. For example, my fingers go completely numb (Raynaud’s syndrome), I have headaches and constant pressure in my neck, and I’m extremely clumsy. If you have chiari, you might have different issues than me. Some lucky people have no symptoms.
Now, will all of this go away once I have surgery? I’m not really sure, but I have tried my whole life to deal with these things and I’m willing to try surgery to make it better.
When faced with the prospect of brain surgery – or any surgery, life tends to come in to focus. Priorities are restructured. Processes are streamlined. Time with loved ones becomes more important. It’s not always something that is consciously done, but it happens. Ankle surgery or brain surgery – things happen, right? I think most people mentally prepare for the worst and hope and pray for the best.
I’m scared about the surgery. Like, really terrified. I have complete confidence in my doctor. I think that it will help and that I’ll feel better. But, I’m still scared. I think I’m more scared about the recovery than the actual surgery. Not being able to work, play, drive, etc…for a bit is going to drive me crazy. And, let me tell you, I don’t need to be any more crazy than I already am!
I’m worried that I’ll miss time with my kids and that I’ll be so out of it that my parents and hubby will have to take on way more than they are prepared for. I guess it’s mom guilt kicking in – the second your child pops out, guilt about almost everything settles in! I just keep reminding myself to breathe and that’s it’s okay. God’s got this.